Use a journal. This can be a note book or a binder. Write down everything you know about yourself and your adoption. Where were you born? What hospital? What state were you adopted in? What Parish? Was your adoption handled by an attorny, or was it an agency ? Where you ever told anything about your birthparents? Rumors or stories overheard from family members? Do you have a copy of your birth certificate or adoption Decree? Don't worry if you don't have the answers to even one of these questions. Write down what you know, even if it seems insignificant. Then, start asking questions. Your adoptive parents are the best place to start, whenever possible. Ask your relatives, talk to the family lawyer, and the family doctor. Carry your notebook with you wherever you go. Whenever you talk to someone document the name and date of the conversation so you can refer beck to it at a later date.
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Â 1) Create a Search Journal 2) Discuss the search with your parents. 3) Locate your amended birth certificate 4) Retrieve a copy of your final adoption decree. 5) Retrieve your petition to addopt 6) Contact the adoption agency 7) Contact the law firm or attorney who assisted in your adoption 8) Contact your delivery physician 9) File a waiver of confidentiality with the adoption agency, law firm, and the courts. 10) Attempt to retrieve your original birth certificate. 11) Apply for medical records from the hospital where you were born. 12) Contact the judge about opening your adoption records. 13) Formally petition the court to open your adoption records. 14)Register with the International Soundex Reunion Registry-(ISRR) PO box 2312 Carson City, Nv 89701-2312 ( Include a self addressed stamped enevelope) 15) Check both county and state records for marriage and/or divorce records for either of the birth parents. 16) Learn about the adoption laws for your state. 17) Check county and state death records for birth parents and birth grandparents. 18) Write to the Adoption Regulation Unit in your state to access your adoption records. 19) Send for a copy of where to write for birth, marriage, divorce, and death records. Superintendent of documents, US Government Printing Office, Washington, DC 20402 20) Order a copy of the Guide to Genealogical Records in the National Archives The National Archives, Washington, DC 20408 21) Find maps for the area you are searching. 22) Create a profile or the hometown or region where each of your birthparents was said to have been from. 23) Create a list of all the libraries in your area and in the localities where you are focusing your search. 24) Check local newspapers from the area where you were born for birth announcements. 25) Check local newspapers, roam the area where your birthparents were born for their birth announcements. 26) Check local newspapers for wedding and engagement announcements for your parents. 27) Check obituaries in local papers where you believe birth relatives may have died. 28) Check in old city directories to try to locate your birthparents or other relatives. .29) Check city directories to match an occupation to a name. 30) Check in city directories to locate former or current employers of your birthparents. 31) Cross reference city directory information year by year. 32) Check in city directories to locate old addresses of birthparents or relatives. 33) Check phone books and national phone directory discs for birth parents. 34) List your self in the phone directory of the area where you were born or in the area where you relinquished your birth child. 35) Locate all churches of the faith of your birthparents in the area where they were living at the time of your birth - and now. 36) Check any possible surnames against a book of possible name deviations. 37) Check local churches in the area near where you were born for baptismal records. 38) Check local churches in areas where you believe your birthparents may have resided for their own baptismal, marriage, or death records. 39) Join a local or national search and support organization, and sign up in their registry if they maintain one. 40) Create your own library of search and reunion books. 41) Advertise in adoption search magazines. 42) Advertise in newspapers where you believe your birthparent might reside. 43) Order a copy of How to Locate Anyone Who Is or Has Been in the Military 1 800 937 2133. 44) Contact old landlords for forwarding addresses. 45) Contact old neighbors for forwarding addresses and other information. 46) Visit old neighborhoods in person to locate past aquaintances of birthparents. 47)Check with former employers about possible forwarding addresses of birthparents. 48) Check old high school and college yearbooks. 49) Check with a high school or college chairman about the current address of a birthparent or request a list of entire class. 50) Contact a private investigator or consultant.
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Apply for a new copy of your birth certificate. Even if you have one, it's a good idea to apply for a new copy for your 'search' file. The birth certificate you receive will in all likelihood be your 'amended' birth certificate. That means that certain information on the birth certificate will be altered from the original. Your adoptive parents names will appear as your mother and father, and other information may have been changed. Usually, but certainly not always, the place of birth is accurate. This copy of your certificate may also include the name of the doctor who delivered you, and other important clues. It is not unheard of for an adoptee to be mistakenly given their original birth certificate. If this is the case, just say thank you and you will now be on your way to phase II of your search.
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Register with International Soundex Reunion Registry. The largest reunion registry in the world is free, but donations are STRONGLY encouraged. This is a passive registry, which means that no one will use the information you give them to actively search for the other person(s), but if the other party has registered also, information about you will be given to them, and vice versa. ISRR uses a database to make computer matches based on similar or matching information. International Soundex Reunion Registry P.O. Box 2312 Carson City, NV 89701 (702) 882-7755 (Send a self-addressed, stamped envelope for a registration form)
Louisiana Adoption Reunion Registry P.O. Box 3318 Baton Rouge, LA 70821 800-259-2456
Â And last but not least...Register with as many online registries as possible.
A search and support group can be valuable for a number of reasons. First off, if you can attend a search and support group in the area of your search, you will be in contact with people who may have unique insight or knowledge of 'tricks' particular to your state or area of search, but even if you attend a group outside of your search area, you will be forming contacts with searchers in many different phases of search. You can learn from their mistakes, thus making your own search easier. In addition, sometimes it is helpful to connect with others who are going through this same experience. At times, you might feel alone, even if your family is supportive, it is difficult for those who are not adopted, or who are not searching or interested in searching to fully understand. There are also many online mailing lists that you can join. Become a member of a few of these mailing lists. There are wonderful volunteers eager to help.
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Searching is about finding that puzzle piece we all feel we need to complete our lives. It is not always about relationships. Most people when they first start searching hope to be able to have some type of relationship with their birthfamily. The majority of people who search do indeed have some contact with members of their birth family, but this is not always the case.. A lot have wonderful relationships and others might only talk to them one time. Before beginning ask yourself " What do I wish to gain from this search"? Will I be OK with whatever happens? Yes! Just keep in mind that no matter how the search ends you have gained more information then you had when you began.You must hope for the best and prepare for the worse. But once you have found - no one can take away your information. You will know who your birthmother is, where she is and a great deal more about her. The same is for a birth parent. You will have all your answers. You will at long last know your origins. If you are honest with yourself and realize that everyone not only wants but needs to know the truth then yes you are ready to search. Searching is about finding out the truth. Whatever the truth might be.
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This is a possibility that everyone must consider. No one can guarantee how the person you are looking for will receive you. We would like to be able to assure you that the other person will be favorable to a reunion. But this is not always the case. While statistics are in fact in your favor your individual case may end in rejection. If you are truly interested in finding out the truth then whatever you find - acceptance or rejection - you will be ok with. Searching is not about relationships. It is about finding out facts. In a completed search you will indeed have the information you were seeking. Just remember....you initiated the search and are preparing yourself, the person you are searching for may not be as prepared and you the searcher do not know what may be going on in that other persons life at that time.
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1. You're special because you're adopted.
2. You were chosen.
3. Your mother loved you so much that she gave you up.
4. You're lucky.
5. It doesn't matter.
6. You shouldn't be angry.
7. You shouldn't be sad.
8. You should be careful what you ask for -- you might get it.
9. By finding her, you're invading her life.
10. Why are you interested in someone who didn't want you ?
11. Why do you want to find someone you didn't ever know?
12. Ever since you started searching you have become obsessed.
13. ...but your adoptive parents love(d) you so much.
14. ...but you're hurting your adoptive parents
15. Babies don't remember anything.
16. You're being ungrateful!
17. You have no respect for your adoptive parents.
18. Get over it!
19. If she loved you, she wouldn't have given you away.
20. You're being over sensitive
21. Forget it and get on with your life.
22. Why would you want to find her?
23. It's the past, you can't change it.
24. You have no right to disturb her life.
25. ...but your adoptive parents really wanted you.
26. ...What's wrong? Weren't your adoptive parents good enough?
27. You're being selfish and disrespectful!
28. Didn't your parents do a good enough job?
29. How many mothers do you need?
30. Oh...you're one of them?
31. You adopted children should respect her privacy.
32. ...but you look like you come from such a good family.
33. ...but you don't look adopted.
34. Well, maybe that's the way it was meant to be.
35. If she didn't want you then, why would she want you now? You'll get rejected.
36. You might be opening Pandora's Box
37. You don't need to know
38. Your grandmother (grandfather, aunt, uncle, other family member, etc.) doesn't consider you "family" because you're not blood-related.
39. Ohh, you're so lucky you could be someone's love child.
40. What's it like being adopted?
41. You don't look like your family, are you adopted or something?
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1. Forget about it (your baby) and get on with your life. My response was always, she is my life.
2. Leave well enough alone, s/he has another family now.
3. You did the right thing.
4. You will destroy/disrupt her/his life if you make contact.
5. You would have been unable to provide for your child.
6. It was better for the baby to have two parents.
7. Let sleeping dogs lie.
8. She has her own family now.
9. But you've had other children and you should be happy now.
10. Why don't you just let it go?
11. She was better off.
12. Its water over the bridge now.
13. If she needs you she'll come searching for you. You shouldn't search for her!
14. You made the decision and you can't change your mind.
15. But you're not really her mother.
16. That was a long time ago. What's the matter with you?
17. She's turned out to be a nice person, so you should be grateful.
18. I don't know how you could do it... I could never give up my child.
19. If you really love her you will give her up, otherwise you are selfish.
20. No one will ever want to marry you with someone else's child.
21. There is no way you can work and care for your child properly. She will have to spend most of the day with a babysitter!!
22. Don't get too attached to the baby.
23. You're so lucky they send you pictures.
24. That's so nice of them to let you see him.
25. Aren't they afraid you're going to take her back?
26. How could you give away such a beautiful child?
27. You're confusing them by staying in their life.
28. What a wonderful gift you gave them (the adoptive parents).
29. Tell people to say that their child died.
30. You are not the father you are just the sperm donor. .
31. You have no right to be in his life anymore you have relinquished all rights
as a parent, no wonder his family feels so threatened.
32. I know how you feel.
33. It's not like you can't have other children.
34. At least he will be loved now.
35. "Thank you for giving me your daughter." She was NOT a gift!
Your joy was based upon my pain. Don't thank me for that!
36. You should be grateful he/she even speaks to you.
37. When she's crying on his birthday:"This is the price you pay for sin."
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1. How much did she/he cost?
2. Why did you go and adopt--couldn't you have your "own" child?
3. Did you buy that baby?
4. Maybe now that you adopted, you'll have "your own" child.
5. She/He looks nothing like either of you.
6. What are you going to do when she/he looks for their birthparent?
7. Do you know her/his "real" parents?
8. I sure hope he/she fits into your family!
9. Why didn't his/her real mom want him/her?
10. Don't even tell him/her they are adopted, they'll never know.
11. Too bad you had to adopt!
12. Whose fault is it you can't get pregnant?
13. You're doing these kids such a favor.
14. S/he is so lucky to have your family instead of his/her own.
15. An older child is damaged goods .
16. She's your daughter?
17. What about your own kids? What do they think about this?
18. She might come from a cursed background.
19. What are you going to do when you have kids of your own?
20. Do you think you love them as much as you could love your real kids?
21. You got kids the easy way you never even had to be pregnant.
22. What if the real parents come back and kidnap them?
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